Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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