He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
