Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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