dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
