The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
