I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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