i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize