she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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