in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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