What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
