I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize