I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize