You're my little dorito
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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