is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
