I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
