Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
