never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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