I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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