i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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