im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
