it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
