I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize