No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
