Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
