garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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