I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
