There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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