I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
