the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
