I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
