I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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