Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You ruined the universe
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
