I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize