ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What did we do last night that was yellow?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
