I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
