Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
