I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Even my vagina gasped.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
