You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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