My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize