Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
