I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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