just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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