dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
