That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
