If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
