i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
