Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
