the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
