Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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