It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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