I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
