How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
