Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
