so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
