Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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