After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
did i just pee glitter
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
