New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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