Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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