i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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