My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
