Nicole vs. Life
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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