He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
