Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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