if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
