I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
