He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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