I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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