Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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