somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Enjoy the penises
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
