Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
