Don't make out with my wife yet
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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