FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
