that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
should my penis look like a turkey
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
