She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
